Do You Get Told To "Smile" All The Time?

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quite an extreme
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29 Apr 2020, 3:07 pm

Callafiriel wrote:
I guess I just have a resting b****-face. Later on one of my bosses told me he would sack me if I didn't smile at the customers.

It's easier to deal with people if they either like you or fear you. :twisted:


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BenderRodriguez
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29 Apr 2020, 3:40 pm

Aspi wrote:
Yes.
Many women will feel resentful, as if she's outright faking, rather than make herself feel better due to the expression she forced on her face.

funeralxempire wrote:
Would it be reasonable to interpret the responses so far as indicating that some men and boys may deal with this on occasion, but women and girls are far more likely to encounter this and far more likely to encounter it in a more persistent manner?

You're right, I noticed this too. Even NT women are annoyed by it.

I laugh often but I rarely smile and it happens only with people I like or love. Nobody comments on it, but we're a much more reserved culture here anyway and it would be seen as hugely inappropriate to say it to a stranger. Personally, I prefer genuine expressions of emotion and fake smiles make be feel uncomfortable...


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IsabellaLinton
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29 Apr 2020, 3:46 pm

I lost a friend because I refused to have my photo taken with her. She wanted a big smiling photograph, but I don't do photos at all, let alone those with fake smiles. She never spoke to me again.

C'est la vie.


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BenderRodriguez
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29 Apr 2020, 3:51 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
I lost a friend because I refused to have my photo taken with her. She wanted a big smiling photograph, but I don't do photos at all, let alone those with fake smiles. She never spoke to me again.

C'est la vie.

Wow, that's extreme 8O


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IsabellaLinton
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29 Apr 2020, 3:53 pm

BenderRodriguez wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
I lost a friend because I refused to have my photo taken with her. She wanted a big smiling photograph, but I don't do photos at all, let alone those with fake smiles. She never spoke to me again.

C'est la vie.

Wow, that's extreme 8O


I stayed at her holiday let, and I'm pretty sure she wanted a photo for advertising. Regardless of the intent, I don't pose for photos or smile on cue. I was in one of my ornery moods and refused. This was maybe five years ago because it was after my stroke .... See ya later, sunshine! :sunny: :wink:


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Callafiriel
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30 Apr 2020, 1:17 am

Aspi wrote:
Yes.
Many women will feel resentful, as if she's outright faking, rather than make herself feel better due to the expression she forced on her face.


Absolutely.

Also, it is not a good idea for a woman to smile at random strangers. A lot of men interpret it as an invitation that it is not.



quite an extreme
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30 Apr 2020, 2:21 am

Callafiriel wrote:
Also, it is not a good idea for a woman to smile at random strangers. A lot of men interpret it as an invitation that it is not.

That's right - but you don't even need to smile. :mrgreen: Just don't look disappointed, angry or even totally emotionless and ice cold towards others or they may get it quite wrong, because they think that you are this way looking just because of the way you feel towards them and assume immediately that you are disliking or hating them. :wink:


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30 Apr 2020, 3:16 am

in general, men are overconfident, often without any real backup
:roll: :roll:
Image

so yeah, they're prone to false positives


and women, prone to fear of backlash with a clear no, embellish the turd with smiley behaviour



IsabellaLinton
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30 Apr 2020, 10:23 am

quite an extreme wrote:
Callafiriel wrote:
Also, it is not a good idea for a woman to smile at random strangers. A lot of men interpret it as an invitation that it is not.

That's right - but you don't even need to smile. :mrgreen: Just don't look disappointed, angry or even totally emotionless and ice cold towards others or they may get it quite wrong, because they think that you are this way looking just because of the way you feel towards them and assume immediately that you are disliking or hating them. :wink:


So, consciously monitor the way that your face might appear to others to ensure they don't judge or exclude you based on false assumptions about your character?

a) Wouldn't that be the same for men?
b) Isn't this called "Masking"?
c) What about people with natural Resting ___ Face ? Do they just self-monitor for others' benefit, 24/7?


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funeralxempire
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30 Apr 2020, 10:31 am

BenderRodriguez wrote:
Aspi wrote:
Yes.
Many women will feel resentful, as if she's outright faking, rather than make herself feel better due to the expression she forced on her face.

funeralxempire wrote:
Would it be reasonable to interpret the responses so far as indicating that some men and boys may deal with this on occasion, but women and girls are far more likely to encounter this and far more likely to encounter it in a more persistent manner?

You're right, I noticed this too. Even NT women are annoyed by it.

I laugh often but I rarely smile and it happens only with people I like or love. Nobody comments on it, but we're a much more reserved culture here anyway and it would be seen as hugely inappropriate to say it to a stranger. Personally, I prefer genuine expressions of emotion and fake smiles make be feel uncomfortable...



I'm generally pretty dense on matters of this nature but I've been painfully aware of this since I was little and it annoyed me then. People who try to pretend away double-standards on these sorts of issues have always raised my ire.


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30 Apr 2020, 1:18 pm

Callafiriel wrote:
Aspi wrote:
Yes.
Many women will feel resentful, as if she's outright faking, rather than make herself feel better due to the expression she forced on her face.


Absolutely.

Also, it is not a good idea for a woman to smile at random strangers. A lot of men interpret it as an invitation that it is not.

That's true!



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02 May 2020, 6:09 pm

Not often. If I act serious and busy, people seldom bother me about minor things like my expression. I smile for pictures but it's usually forced.


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funeralxempire
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02 May 2020, 7:32 pm

Aspi wrote:
Callafiriel wrote:
Aspi wrote:
Yes.
Many women will feel resentful, as if she's outright faking, rather than make herself feel better due to the expression she forced on her face.


Absolutely.

Also, it is not a good idea for a woman to smile at random strangers. A lot of men interpret it as an invitation that it is not.

That's true!


So, you know, when people smile back it's expressing consent. :mrgreen:

I feel like in person it would be very difficult to not smile in response to that, and the harder one tries to not, the more likely they are to fail. Also, if we're playing Creepy Mikado, it's your turn.


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quite an extreme
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03 May 2020, 3:57 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
quite an extreme wrote:
Callafiriel wrote:
Also, it is not a good idea for a woman to smile at random strangers. A lot of men interpret it as an invitation that it is not.

That's right - but you don't even need to smile. :mrgreen: Just don't look disappointed, angry or even totally emotionless and ice cold towards others or they may get it quite wrong, because they think that you are this way looking just because of the way you feel towards them and assume immediately that you are disliking or hating them. :wink:


So, consciously monitor the way that your face might appear to others to ensure they don't judge or exclude you based on false assumptions about your character?

a) Wouldn't that be the same for men?
b) Isn't this called "Masking"?
c) What about people with natural Resting ___ Face ? Do they just self-monitor for others' benefit, 24/7?


It's quite the same for men and just because of this I even know it now. It may be kind of masking - but why not keeping a good mood? For ensuring an RBF or grumpy face? Keeping a good mood is a lot easier than to fake an artifical smile.


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