Do you think that ASPIES and ADHD are selfish?

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I'm only have Asperger but have some ADHD, and some people (NT's ) think that people on spectrum or who have ADHD are selfish

"Selfishness" is a trait not unheard of in NTs.

Aspies and other neurodiverse types are probably as selfish, on average, as NTs.

So yeah. We probably are selfish. So what? Lol!
So is everyone.

What those folks who say that kinda stuff to you probably really mean is that "aspies don't hide their selfishness as well as NT do". That aspies are rude and crude, and ironically, are more inept at manipulating folks to their own selfish ends than are NTs.

People with both disorders could seem more selfish than average at first glance.

However, even so-called "normal" people are often selfish in relatively subtle ways. And that sort of selfishness can be more harmful than the more overt type.

Like Naturalplastic said, they "hide it better."

I think some of our/their behavior can seem more "selfish", but we just do it because we need to. An autistic person who can't stand change in routine may seem selfish when they refuse to use a different color blanket because the other one is in the wash, but in reality they are just trying to make sense of a chaotic world by holding on to small things so they can " get their bearings." And yes, that example happened to me once .

Neediness is different from selfishness.

Selfishness isn't out of necessity, but excess. It could be anything from some plain egocentrism to outright avarice, to combinations and variations of both, or worst, being a real parasite. They usually pretend to be needy.
Neediness is just so happened to be more than one could grant or accommodate which most people on the spectrum does. To NT standards it means 'excess' hence mistaken for selfishness.


In my opinion, neediness is worse to have unless you're a martyr, and encounter unless you're a saint. It means you are more dependent, high maintenance, and requires accommodation for function -- or even survive. And you can't exactly ignore that because they need support.
Selfish people would just whine like the spoiled brats they are and it mattered a little if you ignore their wishes. It requires enough manipulation skills to pull this off and 'hide it better', depending at the demand and means. NTs in general usually thought this seem to be the case.

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You can't measure selfishness

My precious lil "mom" had the nerve to tell me that "autistic means selfish"

A former swim coach had the nerve to say that I was caring about only myself. We were eating dinner at a meeting

Some skinny smart handsome cisgender white man that I used to trust and have a crush on had the nerve to tell me "you don't care about anyone except yourself!"

A former psychologist had the nerve to tell me that my failure to comb my hair and iron my pants showed that I did not care about myself. (see? Selfless )

Everyone, NT and AS is selfish at some times. Some more than others.

That includes me. Indeed I do not deserve a Nobel Peace Prize.

However, I get the impression that I am not nearly as selfish as precious lil "people" had the nerve to tell me that I am.

Likewise, NTs often refer to themselves as "people", "we", or "most people". Which cleverly disguises their selfishness. They are promoting themselves to the rank of "most people". While I am just "you".

I think that it takes more energy for an NT to consider another NT's perspective, than for an AS to consider an NT's perspective. And NTs are in the majority. And AS guesses the NT perspective wrong more often than NT guess other NT perspective. And the punishment for making a wrong guess is worse when the guesser is AS than when the guesser is NT

The other thing is that NTs tend to have more friends than AS. So it could appear to NTs that they have a lot more friends than AS because NT are less selfish than AS

But

Lo and behold ............,

drumroll please

The NT's friends are disproportionately, excessively similar to the NTs.

Exactly

In 2004 San Diego, when I started Gender Therapy, nobody wanted to be my friend. Either active rejection or just passive aggressive tolerance. Nobody treated me like they treated their other friends.

Almost all of them were homophobic. Some of the homophobic precious lil "people" just hid the homophobia skillfully.

It seemed to them like I had to be selfish, otherwise I would have had as many friends as them

But maybe 2004 San Diego just contained a lot more homophobic precious lil "people" than LGBT autistics.

I think Aspies may come off as more...egocentric...sometimes, but that's just because they have difficulty seeing another's wants and needs. I don't think that it's because they are being spoilt brats or malicious.

Another factor is Autistics need more "me time" and "shutdown" more on average than NT's because we get overwhelmed by sensory input and multitasking. Thus we are seen as selfish "loners" and "standoffish".

Well, since the term "autism" originates from the Greek "autos" which means "self", one could expect that autistic individuals are rather "self-oriented". However, there is a difference beyond semantics between selfishness and self-oriented, as selfishness is based on decisions, while being self-oriented is conditioned by the autistic brain's neurobiological structure. Further, the goal of selfishness is the preferential acquisition of value(s), while being self-oriented is part of an inner-dialogue, a funnelling of information/data in search of an outcome/answer to any question/problem.
Now, if someone wants to call me selfish because I's rather keep to myself, without engaging in useless, futile small-talk/blabber, or I think before saying, doing or giving something away, the problem isn't with my device

"I’m in transition from being a human with autism, into an autistic being with human features"

Moshe

The social part and self-identity part of the brain reside in the frontal lobe. See for instance:
http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/story?id=98580

Autism, is nothing but a "renomalization" process, if you ever heard about this term in physics. Due to the over-connection in the neurons, the effective unit of interaction inside the brain is no longer a neuron, but a cluster of neurons. This corresponds to what in physics we call the "bare particles" vs. the "dressed particles." In the presence of self-interaction or renormalization, different types of interactions are either enhanced or diminished. Put in other words, contrast becomes accentuated. So, in the case of autism, there is a shift of emphasis from the front of the brain towards the back of the brain, because visual skill by nature are more important than social skills for purpose of survival/evolution. (The posterior part of the brain is the visual cortex. The language part sits in the middle of the brain. That is why autistic people universally have social shortcomings, but not necessarily verbal shortcomings.) If you want to see a somewhat pictorial illustration of the situation, consider the "dewdrops on a leaf" model that I have explained before:

http://www.eikonabridge.com/AMoRe.pdf

In this context, "selfishness" and "autism" are antonyms. Autistic people, almost universally, lack strong sense of self. It's a direct consequence, and typical characteristic, of autism.

Take a look at the case of Bob Dylan or Grigori Perelman. Bob Dylan, when given the Nobel Prize, disappeared for two whole weeks. He dragged his feet to provide the required lecture. Everyone else provided their lecture in person. Bob Dylan sent it in with a video upload, barely 6 days before the final deadline. Grigori Perelman was awarded the 1-million dollar Millenium Prize, plus the Fields' Medal (equivalent to Nobel Prize in math). He declined both, and preferred to be poor and live in a tiny apartment with his mom.

Like racism, selfishness can be taught or acquired. So don't be surprised to see some selfish autistic people. But on a "statistical basis," those cases should be rare.

Some are. The majority are not.