29 is closing in and nothing is getting better for me

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My younger cousin got married recently. I am at the age where I should atleast have a long term partner and I can't even get a date.

my time ran out, i have lapsed my "best before" date and exceeded my shelf life, but it was not the end of the world, but it WAS the end of my dreams for a better life. but "holland" ain't so bad after all.

I think there is some truth in that for sure...try to quit comparing your life to other peoples so much, and try and quit obsessing over time running out. I think that would help more than you think. I mean surely there is more to your life than simply not having a girlfriend do you like any kinds of music, movies or shows? Do you have any hobbies or activities you enjoy? I'd say focusing more on the things you enjoy and less on what you don't have could help brighten your general perspective which would likely give you a more appealing demeanor and attitude.

You're not going to get a girlfriend by negatively comparing yourself to others all the time and being so worried about time running out you'd just want to rush though the beginning stages of dating and getting to know someone.

As for still living at your moms, do you have any plans to change that? If you're working you could probably start looking into finding your own place...look into getting room-mates if you cant afford it on your own. It would be good for you, and finding a girlfriend.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 05 Jun 2017, 8:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think the OP is feeling bad about [among other things] not knowing how to/not being able to achieve the beginning stages of dating and getting to know somebody. he can't find a way into the scene, so to speak.

How is it you've failed to establish any relationships except for one? To me that looks like you're saying you did establish a relationship and it didn't work out which isn't exactly a failure most peoples first relationship doesn't last. How did you establish that relationship? and why didn't it work out?

Also women can't hate you if they don't even know you're there which if you've given up entirely for the time being is likely....I think it is more you hate yourself and you're projecting that(not judging, I've done it to in the past when I have been depressed) you should work towards coming to like yourself more cause if you hate yourself its going to make it really hard for anyone to befriend you or form a romantic relationship.

Why is living with bunch of strangers who could rob or murder you and or rape your potential gf seen as better then living with trusted family?

^^^^QFT

Besides the girlfriend thing, I've lost hope in some other dreams. I used to want to be in a band but I either had no friends who were interested in music or I knew some people who were but there were no slots in the band for me to join or they had different musical visions than I did. I also struggled at the guitar even though I loved rock music and even to this day, I still struggle with the guitar whenever I try to play it again and can only play simple or relatively simple songs. I also had art related dreams but my drawing sucks no matter how hard I try at it and I failed an art class in college. I haven't watched any anime, read any manga or comics for a while now, and have hardly listened to any of music albums since the depression sometimes kills my passion for them.

You have to remember that I live in the Bible Belt and the social atmosphere is based around being an as*hole instead of being an intelligent person. Binge drinking and smoking, Trump praising, dangerous driving, country music praising, and getting in fights for stupid reasons is considered socially acceptable
while being open minded and expanding your knowledge is considered "weird". It often makes me feel like I'll have to become like one of those guys if I want a girlfriend.

I don't know if I have enough money to afford an apartment and my mother freaks out when I talk about moving out. She is convinced I am unable to be independent and that I will die on the streets if I don't live with her.



Exactly. It feels like a party that everyone else got invited to while my invitation got lost in the mail.



I suffer from crippling shyness and anxiety when it comes to approaching women for more than just standard conversation. That relationship only happened because the girl expressed interest in me and initiated things instead of waiting around like what society tells women to do. It also happened after I went through an exasperating summer of being rejected by another girl and trying but never succeeding at dating sites. It didn't work out because I kept getting anxious about our schedules and I didn't use protection when we had sex; I didn't know how easy it was to get protection and I was also worried what my mother would say since she monitors my bank account. Fortunately, I didn't get her pregnant.

Last edited by Marknis on 06 Jun 2017, 12:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

same here, only for me in this lifetime there was no invitation. my dad basically said I was fit for being a monk. good judge of character. you have in your favor, at least you were able to make a connection, once, while you were still young enough to function properly. you have something to build on, at least.

Why is living with family who could rob, murder or rape your potential gf seen as better than living with trusted roommates?

Either way don't see how this is that relevent, most peoples room-mates are not thieves, rapists and murderers and there is no grantee family members are better than room-mates.

Also I was very glad to move out of my moms house and I think I have been happier so thought that may help them to. Its not like it 'has' to happen before he looks for a girlfriend...but if he did get a girlfriend and it worked out I suspect at some point they'd want to live on their own not in his parents house. I dated a guy who still lived at his moms and I had no problem with that...but if it had become a long term thing and we decided to live together I would have wanted us to work towards moving out of there. But he ghosted me I think he may have been self conscious and convinced himself I couldn't really like him and thus pushed me away. Sad but nothing I could do...didn't hear from him again till after I had already moved on and had been with my current boyfriend for a while(I did try to messege/text and call him for like a month only to be ignored before I concluded it was over).

I will admit my parents, one of my aunts, and grandmother tried to set me up but I didn't mesh with any of the women they had in mind. One was mildly ret*d and came from a super religious home. The other I knew in my childhood but she had an unhealthy attachment to her dog. The one who my aunt tried to set me up with was also an aspie and apparently liked anime but when I met her, she told me she had lost interest in it and also didn't really want to talk to me. The one my grandmother tried to set me up with I had nothing in common with at all.

Whenever I see a guy younger than me who likes anime, manga, comics, possibly metal music, and possibly sci-fi novels with a girlfriend on his side, it really makes me envious. They have the freedom of choice while I am told to either give up or become a jerk or settle for someone considered to be on my "level".

What? It isn't duh, even you don't think so. I think it's ridiculous. I don't get why a guy who rents a place with strangers is more relation material then a guy who rents a place with family who is considered a loser for doing so. If your family will rob your then they'd probably kicked you out at 18, heck my friends family loved them but kicked them out after high school. Who are these trusted room mates, people one mets by posting and ad on Craigslist about rooms available. Seems super trustworthy.

But would you been fine living with his room mates he met on Craig's list? Wouldn't every relation long term be to live alone together? So why does ones living situation before that point matter at all? Guys who live with family are seen as losers and undatable, but guys who live with strangers(which is what roommates are until you've lived with them for s long while are) are seen as dateable and real men. It's something that baffled me for a long time.

It'd be super expensive for me to move out on my own and in doing so I may make my family homeless. It'd be one thing if I had a gf and we were moving to that step and could share the expense. But it would seem super superficial and selfish to put my family on the street all so I can try to impress women. Also I'm always told women will look at how a guy treats his family, would they really want a guy who threw his family on the street, so he could live alone or with strangers(roommates)

Seems catch 22. I'd be all alone in a empty cold house and have no family as they'd hate me. For what? I'd still be undesirable by women.

Just so tired of seeing women call guys who live with family losers and undatable

There's women on your level?
I'm not good enough for any women. If there's women who'll date you , I'd say go for it.
My family and friends won't set me up with anyone, they also realize I'm not good enough for any women. They know single women my age.

Here is some wisdom from G.K. Chesterton:


-- Excerpt from "What's Wrong with the World"

You have to learn how to cope with failure, the reason you need to play your guitar is because you're no good; the reason you need to draw, is because you're no good. Coping with failure is how you find the discipline to become worthy, so what if the art doesn't look good right away, what matters is that there was an attempt, now make 500 more attempts over a long period and you WILL one day, begin to enjoy it, then you will start getting really good.

Another quote from Chesterton that I'm fond of is "If anything is worth doing, it is worth doing badly".

A sad fact to life is that women are 'grown' into womanhood, but men can ONLY be made into manhood. You're not made yet, you can only make yourself after you've found the discipline to hone your desires and to make something of yourself, through them.

That is a long and painful journey for most of us, but take heart that men age like wine. The more power a man garners, the more women he attracts, the only reason you're not attracting women is because not being made a man yet, you have no power, and women are universally attracted to power.

Discipline is everything, friend. That is what you need to find first, not women. Women come after the fact.

It's not said in a flattering way when they say there are women on my level. They are basically telling me that because I work only part time, live with my mother, and don't have a college degree that I am only good enough for women who are lower in the looks department as well as education. These kind of women tend to be zombie looking redneck women, nasty ghetto hoochie mama women, and hyper religious women. These women also tend to not share any common interests with me. They, except for the ghetto women who like hip hop, love sappy pop or Christian music while I prefer metal, they are obsessed with fashion and cellphones while I'd rather spend money on good books, and they expect me to be a Christian or else that means I am a serial killer in waiting. I don't need my potential girlfriend to look like a super model or be an astrophysicist, I just want someone who is decently attractive and has nerdy/geeky interests. When I see guys younger than me with girls who are like that, it really tears me up inside. It makes me wonder why I can't have the same and if it will ever happen for me. Sure, I did have a short lived relationship but because it was short lived it didn't really stick in my mind.



I wish I heard stuff like this growing up instead of being told nonsense like "God has a plan for you!" but then again, I live in the Bible Belt so reading is considered for "fags".

^^^Good advice. Very similar to what I've said. You really just have to keep at it. Don't let age be too much of a factor. I'm starting later in life making some changes--and I'm paying for it. But I'd rather deal with it now than regret it later.