Men should advertise lack of social skill in dating profiles

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Snowy Owl
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01 Nov 2017, 10:51 am

Your pictures reveal more about your social skills.

Looking timid, tired, not optimal bodyfat levels, and not great in pictures = women think poor social skills.

Looking muscular & hot with myspace angles/ chiselled jaw = women think good social skills.


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underwater
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01 Nov 2017, 10:53 am

Just for the record, there are female predators out there. Signalling weakness in social media is not a great idea.

Meeting someone in person, it might be ok to talk about the fact that you prefer quiet places and sedentary hobbies, for example.


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Sabreclaw
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01 Nov 2017, 10:55 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Honesty doesn't necessarily means "confidence" - for example there are so many low-esteemed guys here who are honest about their s**t.

The way how many of the women define confidence is weird, honestly.


I think rather than confidence it's charm that people like. Any creep can be confident in themselves and come across as a total loser, but charming folk can overcome appearance barriers quite effectively.



The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Nov 2017, 11:03 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Honesty doesn't necessarily means "confidence" - for example there are so many low-esteemed guys here who are honest about their s**t.

The way how many of the women define confidence is weird, honestly.


I think rather than confidence it's charm that people like. Any creep can be confident in themselves and come across as a total loser, but charming folk can overcome appearance barriers quite effectively.



Yeah, the same way how "chemistry" means sexual attraction.

Same meaning, but one is more PC sounding than the other.



Sabreclaw
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01 Nov 2017, 11:35 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Honesty doesn't necessarily means "confidence" - for example there are so many low-esteemed guys here who are honest about their s**t.

The way how many of the women define confidence is weird, honestly.


I think rather than confidence it's charm that people like. Any creep can be confident in themselves and come across as a total loser, but charming folk can overcome appearance barriers quite effectively.



Yeah, the same way how "chemistry" means sexual attraction.

Same meaning, but one is more PC sounding than the other.


While sexual attraction is undeniably a big element of chemistry, I think it's more than that. The hottest person in the world may be poor company, so not really ideal long-term relationship material. I see chemistry is a mix of both attraction and compatibility.



TheSpectrum
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01 Nov 2017, 11:47 am

emmasma wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
emma, do you advertise your weaknesses? If not, why not?


I haven't put my profile public anywhere yet. Its still kind of a future plan type thing. I really dont know how I would even do it as a somewhat mentally ill single mom without kid free time. This is an observation I made while "window shopping"
I'm not sure as a woman I would feel safe displaying to much of my frailties. There are men who prefer meek women because they can control them. It can be dangerous and is not even uncommon.

I think I might put "opinionated aspie introvert seeking same" when I do though. Or something like that.

The first part of your response seems largely hypocritical.
I understand your need to protect yourself as a vulnerable person.
I think limiting it to gender is wrong, though. While men statistically speaking are more likely to prey, security should be afforded to everyone and generally everybody should remain vigilant in what they share on the internet, let alone a dating profile. I don't think policing profiles to cater to a subset is the way to go. We can agree to disagree on that.


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hale_bopp
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01 Nov 2017, 1:48 pm

Saying “I have bad social skills” on a dating site is social suicide. You are in the minority if that’s what you are looking for.

You can word it better, like saying you’re introverted etc. that isn’t bad.



sly279
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01 Nov 2017, 2:00 pm

emmasma wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
emma, do you advertise your weaknesses? If not, why not?


I haven't put my profile public anywhere yet. Its still kind of a future plan type thing. I really dont know how I would even do it as a somewhat mentally ill single mom without kid free time. This is an observation I made while "window shopping"
I'm not sure as a woman I would feel safe displaying to much of my frailties. There are men who prefer meek women because they can control them. It can be dangerous and is not even uncommon.

I think I might put "opinionated aspie introvert seeking same" when I do though. Or something like that.

There’s just as many manipulative controlling women who seek weak submissive men to control and abuse.

Also don’t like how you use window shop. But sadly that’s how most women see dating. Men are objects in a store. Many of us are in that dark dusty back corner for times no one wants that set on clearance for years.



Last edited by sly279 on 01 Nov 2017, 2:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hale_bopp
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01 Nov 2017, 2:01 pm

sly279 wrote:
emmasma wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
emma, do you advertise your weaknesses? If not, why not?


I haven't put my profile public anywhere yet. Its still kind of a future plan type thing. I really dont know how I would even do it as a somewhat mentally ill single mom without kid free time. This is an observation I made while "window shopping"
I'm not sure as a woman I would feel safe displaying to much of my frailties. There are men who prefer meek women because they can control them. It can be dangerous and is not even uncommon.

I think I might put "opinionated aspie introvert seeking same" when I do though. Or something like that.

There’s just as many manipulative controlling women who seek weak submissive men to control and abuse.



This is true. It’s not the best idea to dangle yourself as prey.



sly279
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01 Nov 2017, 2:05 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Honesty doesn't necessarily means "confidence" - for example there are so many low-esteemed guys here who are honest about their s**t.

The way how many of the women define confidence is weird, honestly.

From experience being honest isn’t confident. I’ve had a few women be surprised. As friends I’d share my problems with them to which they said I lack confidence, then when I was trying to date them I stopped sharing and suddenly they like wow yiur confident I didn’t think you could be. So seems to women confidence means the man doesn’t have emotions or issues.
But to men confident means you have ability and believe you can accomplish tasks with that ability.
If I ever get a gf I won’t be sharing my emotions with her, if when I get sad I’ll just ignore her until I’m happy again, I won’t tell her about my day or stuff at work. Gotta keep unemotional to appear confident.



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01 Nov 2017, 3:16 pm

emmasma wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Most women wee see weakness as a turn off. Posting it might make a slim few women like you find us but it’ll definitely make the majority of women run away. Weakness means I confidence. Confident men aren’t suppose to theink they have weaknesses and aren’t suppose to talk about it if they do.

Such high competition already on dating sites it’s dating site suicide to turn off he majority of women.

Likewise most of us won’t list that we are aspie. Some women do though. Guess it’s not as much as a red flag to men as it is to women.

You’re probably better off looking for signs if shy men. We tend to have indoor hobbies. Like video games.

For me dating profile is our resume. Women will quickly glance it over and move on or show interest. So like resume you either never show weakness or you pretray it as a advantage.

Are you near oregon? Probably not but worth asking . I’m single aspie lol

Still think Im right here. I dont think it would increase chances with only a small minority. For me a bit of self deprecating humor would go farther than someone trying to play the macho game especially against people who play it better.

You have to word it right. Writing a big whiney thing about all the details and self sorrow would not work. Advertising "weaknesses" as a positive attribute works sometimes.

There are many women who love an underdog, just saying it can be a turnon if a guy shows weakness, not only for women like me..

Showing weakness is the best way to demonstrate confidence.

Sorry Michigan lol

Most women here seem go clubbing, dancing, hang out at bars, or hiking on some mountain somewhere, in and vacations to Europe or Asia. Not a lot of inoverts women it seems who just wanna stay inided on their couch watching s movie. My generation always has to be moving and doing something exciting it seems. I have adhd and that’s undesirable for me lol. I have to be doing something all the time, but to me those people seem to have super super hardcore adhd lol. Whys every woman have to be super outgoing social. Why is staying inside seen as horrible?

I’m not macho, I don’t olay macho, a lot of guys are though. And that’s what most women want. They want a macho outdoors manly man. A real man, you know that man depicted in the 1800s mountainier rugged looks, muscular body, defeating the elements.
I’m sadly not that man. I’m not a real man. I dont know what I am. I’m not strong, and while I do enjoy the outdoors I’m also germphobic. Have you been outdoors, it’s not very clean. It’s got a lot of disgusting stuff in it. Take ticks. I’ve bpneber had a tick I have no desire to either, I don’t want The disease they spread either.

Many women might say they like underdogs, it makes a good movie or show, but reality they wouldn’t date such losers. A lot of people say one thing and do another. Lot of people say they want to help the poor but they won’t and then call for cutting programs that help the poor.

Showing no emotions is how you show confidence.

I don’t think there’s any way to express my weaknesses on a dating site that won’t be a big red flag to all women to run away.



Richardf269
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01 Nov 2017, 5:19 pm

emmasma wrote:
I have figured out over the years that I do not do well in relationships with NTs in general. I end up feeling inferior and guilty for not being a good social partner to do things with and get body conscious around people who intimidate me. I end up resenting them because they drown me out and make me feel inferior whereas I am an Aspie so I think I am better than everyone :wink:. My last relationship was with another Aspie person who was smart and weird like me and we both admired these qualities in each other. It is this type of person I have in mind while I think about how I might once again try to find someone to occasionally eat, share sarcasm, and have sex with.

I have been checking out some dating sites lately and I'm really discouraged. It seems like men don't like to put "weaknesses" into their profiles. They all are either really macho or really "fun" and I am just not into outgoing people like this to be around.

I just wanted to point out that some women are looking for the socially awkward men who don't like theater, dancing, horseback riding and eating out. They are the very same women that these men should be seeking out so that they don't end up in an unsuccessful date with a bouncy NT who gets creeped out by people who don't make good eye contact. I know Online dating is super competitive for men, but I really think that showing these types of traits openly could be a benefit in finding a date because none of the ones I see do at all.

Just a thought.


You sound like my kinda lady! :P Too bad I don't live anywhere near Michigan. lol. Lets stay in and watch a movie or something, eh? Haha.



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02 Nov 2017, 9:35 am

sly279 wrote:
Also don’t like how you use window shop. But sadly that’s how most women see dating. Men are objects in a store. Many of us are in that dark dusty back corner for times no one wants that set on clearance for years.


A lot of men see dating that way as well... or at least that is the impression that I get from listening to men, both in the internet and in the real world. I'd say it's not about gender, it's about personality.

Quote:
If I ever get a gf I won’t be sharing my emotions with her, if when I get sad I’ll just ignore her until I’m happy again, I won’t tell her about my day or stuff at work. Gotta keep unemotional to appear confident.


I wouldn't recommend taking that kind of attitude from the start. Sure, after you know your girlfriend well then it's okay to do that if she seems like the kind of person who would be best approached that way, but what if she isn't? She might end up thinking you're heartless for never showing emotion or that you don't trust her at all for never sharing your problems... not saying that something like this will happen, but it is a possibility that you should consider.



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03 Nov 2017, 1:28 am

emmasma wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
Advertising your weaknesses as a man is rarely a good idea.

It shows confidence if you do it right

For example, "I prefer kissing to talking" or perhaps "my intense stare will tell you more than a thousand words would". Ok, perhaps I'm not very good at this.



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03 Nov 2017, 9:30 am



emmasma
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03 Nov 2017, 12:20 pm

sly279 wrote:
emmasma wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
emma, do you advertise your weaknesses? If not, why not?


I haven't put my profile public anywhere yet. Its still kind of a future plan type thing. I really dont know how I would even do it as a somewhat mentally ill single mom without kid free time. This is an observation I made while "window shopping"
I'm not sure as a woman I would feel safe displaying to much of my frailties. There are men who prefer meek women because they can control them. It can be dangerous and is not even uncommon.

I think I might put "opinionated aspie introvert seeking same" when I do though. Or something like that.

There’s just as many manipulative controlling women who seek weak submissive men to control and abuse.

Also don’t like how you use window shop. But sadly that’s how most women see dating. Men are objects in a store. Many of us are in that dark dusty back corner for times no one wants that set on clearance for years.


I do agree that men can be victims too. I don't agree that it happens as much or as severely. You are right though, everyone should be careful.
The window shopping comment is offensive and I apologize. It is similar I am looking at and comparing attributes of something that I want and cannot have, just not due to money cost. Sorry if my comparison was insensitive.