Timid Espeon wrote:
Realizing that I have hurt a friend with my drama and selfishness. It hurts so bad to realize just how terrible I actually am. I want to change, and am afraid that I will go back to being okay, when that is just escaping reality. How does one actually get better? Will I ever be a good person?
You are a good person. I know this because you are hurting now that you realize you hurt your friend.
As for when you will get better that will take time. You have identified undesired behaviors in yourself, now you need to find ways to work on improving them. They will take a long time to change but as you make progress you will feel better. Focus on the progress, ask for help if needed. Eventually you will move past those behaviors.
This happens to everyone who is a good person. Bad people just don't care and keep doing things to harm others. You do care so that makes you good.