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You will learn all the skills needed to survive the waves by being constantly drowned and not breathing.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

My real name is Geoffrey Van Horne and I'm available in the following colour variants: navy blue, pastel pink and raspberry ripple.

I found a secret formula that, if used on the U.S. Congress, would cause all of the members to act rationally, legally, and in the best interests of mankind.

News media found out about this and are paying me huge sums of money to not use the formula.

They figure most of them would be out of jobs.

P.S. Which should I buy first? Iceland or Greenland?

The world is going to end next Tuesday.
Fortunately we can save ourselves by consuming enormous quantities of cheese.

Pink is my favourite colour.

you only use 10% of your brain

I work part time as an underwater policeman, patrolling the seabed in coastal waters, collecting sodden clues and solving the saltiest cases.

That's actually the truth

i was given birth before time...before death became

Sinko De Mayo is a Mexican holiday that pays respect to the tragic loss of the cargo of mayonnaise that the Titanic was carrying when it sank.

In private conversations Margaret Thatcher always referred to the 1960's as "The Stones Age".

I think I finally figured out why I have trouble flossing my teeth! The problem I have is that I have trouble getting the floss to go between the back teeth because I can't see where to put the floss. Rather than putting it between the teeth I almost always end up laying it onto the crown of a tooth because I can't see what I am doing.

Then it occurred to me! I can't see where the floss is going because my eye teeth must not be working!

Now, who do I see about this? A dentist or an ophthalmologist?

The new line of Phosphorus Decree action figures is out now! Porcupine Armour me, Ninja Pirate me and Mutant Stockbroker me, all with removable heads and limbs just like the real thing!

I can be hired for bar mitzvahs, bat mitzvahs, graduations and second weddings.