Fear of death

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I have very high anxiety about the future. I fear what will happen when I die, specifically what will happen to my stuff including my "guys" and collections in general. I am worried they will be thrown out or worse if not just as bad, given to a plushphile who gets excited by destroying plushies or doing even worse to them (I fell down a rabbithole through a Build A Bear group and that's my next biggest fear after throwing them out). I want to open a museum dedicated to hypefixation when I die but I doubt it's possible. Also I fear what will happen to family photos/videos, things related to my cats/pets or my devices.

I find it a sad thought that some poor devil will have to clear my house of all the junk I've collected when I kick the bucket. I guess with you, your things feel more like pets, only with real pets somebody usually adopts them.

Me, I'm more sad about having to cease to exist, and more scared about the risk of being in increasing pain and knowing I'm going to die. Also the poor service of the NHS or the unaffordability of healthcare in the USA. I hope I go quick and that I don't know anything about it.

Reminds me of the Simon And Garfunkel song:

So I continue to continue
To pretend
That my life will never end
And flowers never bend with the rainfall

Best not to think about death much. It doesn't bother me a lot currently but it used to when I hit certain milestone ages like 40 or 50. I wish I didn't know how old I was. What idiot invented birthdays?

Ever since I developed this intense phobia, I started to feel myself rot.

I'm afraid that after I'm dead all my art and writing that I worked so hard on over the years will be thrown away like trash without even being looked at and it will like I never made them in the first place. I once told my mother that if anything ever happens to me to please save them.

Although when I am dead I won't care anymore. I won't feel anything because my body and mind will no longer be functioning I'll be nothing but worm food, and it will be as if I never lived and so there was no point. I think this is one of the reasons people have kids. They think they will be immortal in a way, since kids inherit their genes with their parents. But kids can be very different from their parents, so whatever.

I fear the act of dying. Also the fact that something so all encompassing is also extremely banal makes me sad.

My father was in WWII (he was probably an Aspie). He told me about how some of the men on a ship headed for battle asked him the very same question because he was so calm. His reply to them was "why worry about something you have no control over; if it happens it happens"